I am temporarily back from my well needed vacation, but before I talk about how the new Leviathan album is a "festering pile senior citizen dog shit", let me address some thanks where it belongs. First off, I would like to thank both S. and Lord K. for keeping this blog somewhat of a float during my much needed leave of absence. Lord K. as you all know has been updating and tweaking the page, and you will be hearing more from him in the future as he will be a new contributor (having cleared a strict background check and thorough forensic search of his computer to make sure no Behemoth/Avenge Sevenfold/As I lay Dying MP3s ever stained his hard drive). Anyway, I will be keeping this post short, mainly because I have a backlog of underground releases to listen to, who's time is obviously worth way more than yours.
(Above: THE REBIRTH OF ABME... well not really, seeing I never changed the layout or updated the page any)
E-mail: Yes, lots of it. I am willing to say that the vast majority of it was not worth my time reading. I am under the impression that someone must have put an invisible banner on my page that only morons can see which reads "Please email ABME your band name and Myspace link where he can listen to your feeble attempts of penetrating the underground black metal scene. Also, if ABME does not reply within four weeks, be sure to RESEND it again and ask if ABME got the last email".
(Above: Sadly since my absence, the ABME chart maker went down and is currently being updated. However, I was able to find this quick and shitty pie chart maker online to help break down the statistics of my email inbox upon my return. Note the high amount of stupid readers who asked for me to listen to their band, even after word of my alleged death.)Leviathan: A new album out by Wrest. Well fear not, because A) I am not a hipster and B) I will be goddamned if a label ever sends me another free promo CD again. With that said, I have all the freedom to say it "fucking blows emo skater dick" without fear of repercussion. Anyway, I will delve into this more with the next post...
(Above: It would seem all it took was a domestic dispute and a trip to the slammer
to get Wrest off his ass and put out another album.)
(Above: Pretty self explanatory)
Rites of Darkness: What can I say about this event that has not already been mentioned a thousand times. Oh I know, next time you have a giant sum of money headed your way via Paypal, it would probably be a good idea to READ THE FINE PRINT. Even an elitist like myself is well aware of the evils of Paypal.
You: "But ABME. NO ONE reads the fine print! That's for pussies"
Me: True, and that's also how bands drop off your tour and fans shit all over your event.
The show still went on though, and apparently was a "success" (I am assuming success meaning the venue was not set ablaze, and/or the promoter made it home safely). Most people who did end up going often had the same lame excuse a long the lines of: "I am going to be so drunk I don't care I am wasting money which could have been spent doing/buying much more relevant things". Well give your self a giant dick slap on the back then.
(Above: I ran the statistical "post-event" data through my ABME processor, and was able to break down the fan attendance reaction for everyone. You can thank me later.)
Black Metal Christmas Ornaments: I am speechless. This was brought to my attention from the all collecting ones over at CultMetal. Century Media obviously feels it necessary to offer black metal x-mas ornaments to decorate your retarded Charlie Brown attempt of a christmas tree. This is an insult to everything I stand for.
(Above: Be sure to SAVE and BUY the WHOLE SET!)
One Year Anniversary: ABME's FIRST (embarrassing) attempt at blogging happened on December 5th 2010 when I basically rehashed a threatening rant made upon my discovery of Facebook. At the time I was going under the pseudonym The "Angry Elitist Black Metal Elder" or "AEBME" for short (a bit of history for all the colostomy bags who criticize the shortening of the name to the likeness of internet video game "celebrity" James Rolfe). Anyway back then, Craft's current possible Swedish Grammy winning album "Void" had not been released, so I was clearly still under the impression it was going to be amazing. Also, a rare occasion I actually make mention of a band I "like", something that I make sure not disclose unless under the influence of the strongest vodkas. We have come a long way I guess from being brought to light on Metalsucks to bringing you up-to-the minute information on the unfolding circus known as the Weston Cage West Coast Black Metal Atrocity. 2012 brings a dark fog cloud of mystery... who knows what will happen this year... (my predictions soon).
As this post comes to a close, I realize I have a lot of work on my shoulders, and most importantly- a lot of YOUR hipster emotions to break with my narrow minded elitist views in futrue readings. Keep an eye out for the next post, because it most likely will concern you and your shitty musical tastes.
Regards,
ABME
(As always, this post was written while drunk, blasting vinyl, and full of natural hatred. No part of this was proof read for grammatical errors, nor should it be. ABME expects you to take criticism like a man, so try not to cry while reading this... even though he knows you love the new Blut aus Nord/Leviathan albums)
