Awhile back, we were successfully able to witness one of the elusive "black metal werewolves", reportedly running around Finnish graveyards wearing tight black clothing and 1990's Reebok Pump sneakers. Thanks to my documentation, the scientific and metal communities are now much more informed about the creature than previously thought.
However, more recently I received suspicious reports about another black metal werewolf putting out shitty music and causing havoc...
It was time to pack my bags, and travel to Hungary. More specifically- Budapest... Rumor had it that in Budapest, a wolf creature that sports metal claws and horrible corpse-paint once roamed the country side, terrorizing local villages with shitty "keyboard-overkill" black metal. Known to the town as"Gabriel Wolf", he is considered to be one of the "bigger" species of werewolves. Unlike the Finnish werewolf in our previous study, Gabriel Wolf has massive muscles which we assume are used for ripping sheep apart and pounding random notes out a keyboard in an attempt to create music.
Below is one of the few known photos of this creature:
(Left: The "Gabriel Wolf" is often times credited as the first black metal musician to merge the music with the image of the WWE)
Gabriel Wolf first appeared on the black metal map with his band Ywolf. I'd post a youtube video showcasing how much this band sucks werewolf cock, but thankfully the general metal community has been wise enough not to have uploaded any of their material yet. Somehow, Gabriel Wolf managed to sign a deal with Russian bootleg label Irond to release the first Ywolf album. The album was quickly deemed a musical disaster, and Ywolf were removed from the label immediately. Failure would plague Ywolf for three years, until a hiatus and an unwanted return in 2008, in which he threw out a cover album as a last ditch effort. Yes- a cover album which featured covers of Cradle of Filth, Dimmu Borgir, Wumpscut, Christian Death, and HIS OTHER BAND Finnugor. Pretty fucking lame by my elitist standards. Ywolf even featured opera singer Stephanie Kiss at one point, who's name fit perfectly with the clown brigade that Gabriel was leading. After one album, she never returned.
(Left: Ywolf - master of merging masculinity with flamboyancy while wearing corpse paint at the same time.)
At best, Ywolf was considered a mish-mash of "darkwave/gothic/industrial/folk". Basically everything except black metal. Still, Gabriel Wolf felt it necessary to dawn corpse paint for all the band photo shoots (which by the way, if you have not noticed, are the equivalent to a child using a non-toxic marker to draw the bat signal on their face). Thankfully, Ywolf dissolved in 2008.
(Left: Note the enthusiasm of Stephanie Kiss as she is forced to pose with the corpse paint train wreck next to her.)
Gabriel Wolf is also known for his atrocious music video directing capabilities. Below he directs Azaghal's "KYY" music video, which takes away any seriousness Azaghal were trying to portray. Who was the drunkard who gave him that type of responsibility?
(Above: Gabriel Wolf showcasing his amazing talent and
Windows Movie Maker special effects skills. Note the abundant use
of strobe lights that even puts Satyricon's Mother North video to shame.)
Finnugor was Gabriel Wolf's most notable/embarrassing band, which often times had me scratching my head. You had Narqath from Azaghal (listed here as Godslayer N. Vassago) doing the majority of the work, while Gabriel Wolf played his keyboards and did some typical shitty Hungarian vocals. Obviously, the two realized that the material they made together was completely horrible, so they ended up hiring a bunch of guest musicians to try and salvage what they could from the drunken mess that lay before them.
(Left: The only known "decent" picture of Gabriel Wolf. Too bad fellow balding Hungarian Attila Csihar fucked it up for him by wiping feces all over his face)
Some of the guest musicians include Attila Csihar, Ville Sorvali (Moonsorrow), Sture Dingsøyr (Windir), RMS Hreidmarr (of the laughably bad Anorexia Nervosa) and even Morfeus (formerly of Limbonic Art). Despite all these guest musicians, Gabriel never bothered to find an actual drummer, and in turn ended up using one of the most embarrassing drum machines known to man. The end result was a noise in the background of their synth-dominated black metal which sounded like someone was holding a piece of paper in the air next to a mic and tapping it violently.
(Left: Gabriel and Narqath pictured here floating in space... The only realm capable of holding such visual stupidity)
Even more embarrassingly was the fact that after shitting out four albums that no one ever bothered to purchase in the first place, Finnugor decided to go the industrial route for their 2007 release "My Sick Files". Narqath chose to jump ship before this album was made, and you really can't blame him. After all, he was already in a band that was paving the way in the Finnish scene and could probably tell My Sick Files was going to bomb just by the title alone.
So Gabriel was left all alone with his industrial album... You can almost imagine Gabriel Wolf sitting at his Windows 98 powered computer and slowly moving his cursor over a file folder labeled "Sick Files". Inside is full of midget porn and Cosplay horseshit. Perfect inspiration for an industrial album with such a name.
(Left: The winner of 2006's "Over Photo-Shopped Album Cover" award went to Finnugors atrocity "Voitettuani Kuoleman")
After Finnugor's industrial outing, Gabriel realized his horrible mistake and quickly returned the band to it's "black metal" roots. Sadly by this point, the world had lost what little interest it once had with Gabriel Wolf, and he was forced to fade into obscurity. More recently, he has been regarded as folklore or a urban myth. There have been alleged sightings and shoddy video footage of him that have managed to surface over the past three years, but no one can truly verify if it is really him or not...
(Left: The last known picture of Gabriel Wolf- having shaved the fur off his head and wearing sunglasses over corpse paint. Pictured here admitting guilt for years of looking like a complete retard, amongst other photogenic related charges)
Hopefully, Gabriel will remain hidden in his cave licking his sore wounds, and forget about ever touching black metal again... As the ABME, I pledge to try my hardest to keep the Hungarian woods clean of garbage such as this!
The hunt for his capture continues...
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